"I asked nature to show me a sign of you the month you were conceived. We had been trying for a few months and I was beginning to loose faith in my bodies ability. (Having a history with ovarian cysts) We were Camping with our chosen family out bush. You laid your message down on a rock. A lyre feather perfectly placed on a path toward the waterfall. I've carried it with me ever since. Seeing you in the birds, diving in the clouds, singing the days into existence, dreaming of you with wings. A common saying from your grandmother "spread your wings" has been said to me since I flew the coop as a teenager. And you arrived with a feather on the wind, from the bird of many songs. Reminding me daily of the wings I own myself, ruffling my feathers and showing me my own. One of my biggest life lessons was figuring out that I could fly. Thank you for bringing that back to me always. My little boy, your soul is one that flies already, we see you soaring in abundance and we are so greatful you have chosen to land in our arms."
Born on a stormy sunset.
With his daddy's eyes and slenderical toes.
I cannot begin to comprehend the portal we have walked through.
The doors my body opened, and the way the world holds us now.
I screamed and cussed our baby boy into the world, I laboured with Helios in the skies, birthed with an oncoming autumn sunset. The gods rumbling the heavens. In one sense estatic, the other not at all. Birth is indescribable in its intensity. And "surrendering to the sensations" is one fucking difficult task. Not reacting to the most insane physical sensations I have ever encountered with instinctual biological drives - (which for me included swearing so the stars could hear me) seemed almost impossible, until at some stage, it wasn't at all. Shimmering in a new sheen of life, everything feels different, the love I feel within is fierce.
We can't wait to share more, but for now we are marinating in our bubble of love with the ones we hold nearest and dearest surrounding us.
Our son is here. I am so proud and honoured to have my body. The collaboration of the greatest love I have ever had. ✨
WE WANT TO THANK EVERYONE OF YOU THAT HELPED AND ALLOWED THIS DREAM TO MANIFEST. Those that donated towards our private care, those that shared, commented and sent love and prayers. We feel you and see you and love you all. Thank you for allowing me to birth in the most empowering way for me. Thank you for helping facilitate bringing this pixie boy into the world trauma free (he didn't even cry) healthy and happily in our love nest at home. 🧡 Dreams really truly do come true.
written on the 17/03/2020
THE FIRST WEEK
There is a nothingness, a simplicity to the complexity of love i feel.
I'll admit I've never loved anything or anyone more.
I am in awe of my body, its rapid recovery, the sensations & its automatic responses to thought, sound, touch. The softness of my skin, the adaptability of my bones.
I am meeting my mother body, the primal blueprint that was buried deep within the soils of my soul, now sprouting for the very first time. My internal systems fully charged, newly activated for raising my Reishi baby.
He holds intelligence in his eyes, he squeaks & dosnt cry, he sleeps through the night, he is a master of nipple hunting & has taken to gravity & air like a champion.
His middle name is Noah. Representing a snap shot of the time he was brought into this world. Born with the rains, and instilling forethought into his character. "To know when to look towards the heavens & forsee when to build boats for weathering the storms of life" - this came to us on day 3 of his life. A spontaneous Kodak moment in a name.
Self isolating was going to be the way for the first forty days anyway. But now we are in the eye of the storm of the pandemic outside all of our doors. Creating an ark, riding out this strange flood. (what better way to keep the concern at bay then with the most love intoxicating & good feels inducing tiny peanut)
I have never loved Mark more.
I am so thankful for my mother, mothering me with nourishment & clean sheets while witnessing me transition to becoming a mother myself.
I am so thankful for our community, respecting boundaires, loving us from afar, cooking us homemade meals, & bringing around their doggos to bless him in kisses from the canines.
I still see him as such a private being, the most precious thing I have ever laid my eyes upon. We're all still settling into our new roles. I am not ready to share his face & name or our story... Yet. (I know you've been asking & patiently waiting!) I will be ready soon; but only going to share when I feel the alignment is right. Let me assure you; he is perfect in every way & I feel so privileged to have the experience that I had.
written on 22/03/2020
Our ancient boy, ⠀
Aurelius Noah Harris Goetz ⠀
(Aka Rei, Ari, or Reishi) (Aka squish, peanut, pooper)
2 weeks earthside ✨⠀
Birthed at home on the 16/03/2020 - 5:09pm. Textbook perfection. The O-G Aurelius died in battle 12 hours later on the 17th (our due date) 1839 years earlier. ⠀
Totally beginning to rep the chub train. Never lost weight. ⠀
A definite boob wizard. ⠀
We still haven't stepped out of the front door. Don't plan too. Shit has escalated quickly since he came out. World's WEIRD. (Or so I've been told) ⠀
Loving the "sleep whenever, eat whenever" routine were all in - perfect for pandemics - where time dosnt need to exist in the home.⠀
Squeaks are slowly upgrading to snuffles and squeals (baby mouse morphing into puppy) ⠀
Making me a sticky mess (with all the fluids you can think) 24 hours a day. ⠀
Daily dance parties are ritual.
Podcasts are our frequented friends.
Strangely beginning to enjoy the laundry. ⠀
He has worn clothing once, because I thought it'd be fun; (image one) it lasted less then an hour. Life is better naked and we've turned into some mini nudist trio. (Skin to skin regulates mother-baby temperature to the optimal and he is like a little hot water bottle of love) ⠀
Jing & raw honey- all day: everyday
Back hurts - don't care. ⠀⠀
Poops on command like a total champion. (Love you #eliminationcommunication )⠀⠀
Yoga is on. LOVE IT. Can touch my toes and actually truly breathe into my lungs once more. 👉 Have you got a fav online platform / teacher? ⠀
Cutest, best, most enjoyable squish of a lifetime. ⠀
⠀⠀written on the 30/03/2020
ONE DAY SOON WE WILL SHARE OUR BIRTH STORY....