Edies pre birth story

**This is the first half of Edies pre-birth story. I had difficulties on knowing where to begin these posts so I did what felt was right and began at the beginning of it all. When we found out I was pregnant again. 
This pre story touches the topics of: 
- Rei self weaning under 12 months. 
- choosing homebirthing with the system vs freebirthing 
- the change of policies in hospital based care
- the housing crisis, the stress of homelessness and why we moved out 2 days postpartum. 
- mental health. 
- 4 days of pre Labor. 
And a range of other things that life handed us during those 10 moons. 
It brings richer context to the birth story as a whole. 
Read this rest of this story on our blog via the link in our bio. - the birth story itself will begin in the next post from the morning of (true) Labor.
•••
Edie came in quick. She entered my vessel as soon as she could. It baffled us when we found out I was pregnant again. We didn't even know it was possible. 5 months postpartum and finding our new groove as parents. And BOOM, there she was - our new starseed. Growing her roots within my womb. 
Because Edie came in so quick I struggled to connect with her the way I wished when she was growing in me.  It was such a different kind of experience compared to Rei who was a conscious conception that took us almost half a year of trying. 
I had doubts about her survival, it felt too soon. I had anxiety and fear around 2 under 2, I dreaded the idea of birthing again. I just wanted my body back. I just wanted a snippet of time for me, a glass of wine, a yoga class with a friend.  I didn't even get that much time so soak in my first born, us as a new family, it all felt too much. 
Most of these thoughts I kept at bay, distracting myself, telling the news with hysteria smiles and laughing it away. 
I was fucking terrified, and I never really admitted that to myself until now.
As we grew together, I was blessed with a breezy pregnancy once again and we flowed like milk and honey. My body was so ready to host another life, it was like water down my back. We rolled through the days so easily. 
I forgot often I was pregnant. Rei continued feeding from my breast, I was proud to be able to give them both the best of me. 
For the first half of pregnancy we were planning on freebirthing at home. We couldn't afford private midwifery again. And I believed I still was classified as a "high risk" birthing person. (a story for another time). Rei's birth was so textbook that I wasn't afraid of not knowing what to do, we essentially free birthed him anyway. My midwife popping in when I was crowning. 
We purchased the books and began our journey into the world of free birthing. 
By the time Xmas rolled around though, I got a talking to by my MIL (her own birth stories being projected) and she begged of me to at least call our local midwifery centre to see if I had a chance of being accepted in their program . 
I would never choose to birth in a hospital so my only option was to get accepted into the publically funded home birthing program that I got kicked out for unjust reasonings of at 30 weeks with Rei less then 12 months ago. 
So in the new year, I called them, with low hope that they would change there minds but I 
Found out that my midwife from the hospital continued to advocate for the discrimination that was held against me the year before and she got 👏 the 👏policies👏changed👏. 
YES. 
It can happen. 
Unfucking-believeable magic at work here. (PEOPLE ARE CHANGING THE SYSTEM FROM WITHIN TOO!  DONT LOOSE HOPE BOO!)
So I had the opportunity to be back in their care, specifically in her care (we had her up to 30 weeks with Rei until we got kicked out) and to have a publically funded homebirth.
i was so excited to be with Asha again. So thankful, and I knew that it was all meant to be.
I felt comfortable choosing to go with the care as I felt strong in knowing how to navigate the system and keep my own boundaries to birth my way. I also hold so much deep respect and trust for specifically my midwife and knew that she would have my back in what I wanted. 
By the time Rei was 10 months old (I was 24 weeks) my body, Edie and he made an agreement. One day, very randomly he stopped feeding. A choice of his own, and my body chose to move that energy towards the growth of Edie. I did not have a say in the decision making and it came as a loss. Again, I didn't feel ready. But he was ready - it was the first of many incredible independent choices he has made since becoming a sibling.  I had heard so many stories of weaning and I was ready for the battlefield. But it never came... 
So we continued on, him now seperate to me and beginning his journey of finding his comfort and deeper connection to his papa. We chose for mark to take Rei on more by this point (specifically at nights) so once Edie had landed we wouldn't have struggles between him and his sibling during times of discomfort or routine. To this day Mark is essentially Reis primary carer. Dealing with most sleeps, walks, meals etc. He is a freaking super star. This allows me to feed Edie on demand and take care of her needs asap. (Ofc we change it up too and mark has his hangs with E and vice versa) Having both our children seen, met and heard was priority for us and it's worked really well. 
Back on track: we continued to breeze through pregnancy. It felt easy, it was easy compared to the news that we needed to leave out home close to our due date, while we had our sister @softneutral living with us because she, too was effected by the housing Crisis. Our world all of a sudden became a hurricane of realestate.com and nothing else. Survival mode kicked in and the pregnancy faded away during those couple of months. I couldn't comprehend the fact a new little one was coming into our life, when our life was so out of balance. That I couldn't even offer her a safe place to be born, for me to nest in felt so unnatural. No pregnant woman should have to feel that feeling.  I denied alot of myself around that time. Unable to sit in the sweet moments. I powered on, in my Aquarian nature and didn't feel my feels and attempted with all that I had to find a solution. The housing crisis is a story of its own but I can say that yes, we were the lucky ones and we found a space relatively quick - two weeks before her arrival. Yes, it is in a completely different town. But you do what you gotta do! 
  3rd trimester came in easy. My body held her so differently compared to Rei. (SO MUCH FLUID RETENTION) I was able to keep moving well, not needing naps, able to keep up with all that life was demanding of us. Like Rei, I predicted she would be a few days before her official due date and was preparing our home for the birth. By this point (a week before my due date) we had been accepted for a property and we're juggling a 13month old, moving house, setting up a birth space and navigating two rentals. So while the pool was being blown up, I had friends dismantling the kitchen, we were selling our furniture, packing our lives away. It was like backwards nesting and I love-hated the entire experience.  When we locked down a new place my survival mode subsided, my nervous system unwound and I was able to finally connect in with her, fortunately at the perfect moment without much time left as one. 
To birth with the home birth program we needed to be a certain distance from the hospital for "just in case" emergencies. Our new home, being out of the city didn't meet that requirement so we had to hold onto both spaces. 
...
Continued over on Instagram soon